you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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