For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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