she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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