so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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