I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
