i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he just fucked me for my cheese.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
