True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
