You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
