I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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