Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just blew my weed a kiss
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I didn't notice because vodka
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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