Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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