The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
