Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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