It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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