You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
