I wish I could punch you in the face.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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