There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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