are you still at the devil's house?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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