for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
