How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
