dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
