I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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