I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
