And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
