Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
