I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
