Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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