You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
