I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
