yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
