The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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