I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize