1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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