Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
