oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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