You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
