i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
