I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
