i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize