and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
