one might say we're banned from that church
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
