Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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