it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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