I hope mine doesn't look like that
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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