and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
