I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
