People with herpes should wear stickers.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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