i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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