I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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