is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Couch. On fire.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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