I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
