Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
