I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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