I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
