she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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