I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
