Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
