She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
