glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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