I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
