I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm bleeding and have questions
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
