I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
