can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
