I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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