everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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