I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
