It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
