does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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