He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
