i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
