Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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