thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize