Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Found the puke drawer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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