alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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