sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
