My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
