words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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